"Don't ever let me hear you say you love my daughter."

"You're not a dragon, Sigefrith.  I keep telling you: you're only a fire-breathing ass." — "And you're only a cross-eyed old monkey with a rash on his behind, but I don't feel obliged to constantly remind you of the fact."

"I have learned that man can live by bread alone, for at least a month."

"It's a cure for everything except an aching back."

"May rain and fire and ill wind follow after you until you're festering in the earth!"

"My wife is a brilliant and capable woman, but for every nine-and-ninety brilliant and capable ideas she has, she has one idea so incredibly stupid that I never fail to be dumbfounded, though one would think I would have the habit after fourteen years."

"All you want to do tonight is to kiss babies and get roaring drunk."

"Give me what I need to have peace.  And, if I may—if it is not too much to ask—to be happy."

"You are the twentiest twenty-year-old I have met today, and that is saying a lot."

"I am certain that the Lord is reserving a special place in Paradise just for you." — "I hope it is in the library."