“What’s Baby still doing up?” Egelric asked Elfleda as he came in late one evening. “You naughty girl, why aren’t you in bed?” he teased and patted Iylaine on the head.
“She didn’t want me to undress her. She only wanted you. She only ever wants you.” Elfleda sounded annoyed.
“Now, that’s not true,” he said as he stood. “Baby, don’t you love your Mama?”
“Yes!”
“There, you see?” he said to Elfleda.
“That depends on who she thinks her Mama is,” Elfleda said.
Egelric was alarmed. Had she heard about Gunnilda? “What makes you say that?”
“Bertie Hogge says that she calls Gunnilda her Mama. Now, I wonder who told her that?”
“I’m sure nobody did. She must have learned that from listening to Wynna or Bertie.”
Elfleda didn’t answer, and so Egelric turned to Finn.
“Hallo, little man,” he said, taking a tiny hand between his finger and thumb. “Did you take good care of Mama today?”
Elfleda looked down at Iylaine.
“You see, Iylaine?” she said. “Your Da loves Finn too, even more than you, since he isn’t really your Da.”
Egelric gasped. “Elfleda! How can you say such a thing to the child!”
Iylaine sat down on the floor with a thump and began to wail.
Egelric picked her up and carried her into the dark bedroom, holding her against his neck until her cries turned into sniffles and then ceased as she fell asleep, exhausted. He carefully undressed her and laid her down on her little bed before going back into the other room, closing the door softly behind him.
Elfleda still stood before the fire with Finn in her arms and a half-smile on her face.
“Leda, put the baby to bed. I want to talk to you.”
Elfleda laid Finn in his cradle and then turned to him with that familiar sneer – the one he hadn’t seen since she had told him she would have a baby – perhaps not even since she had realized she was going to have a baby.
It was a sickening disappointment to realize that those days were not over, after all.
“I thought I’d explored the length and breadth of cruelty with you before Finn was born, but I never realized that yours extends so deep as to be used against a child – your own child, Leda.”
“She’s not my child,” Elfleda said, her voice almost a growl. “I brought her home, but she only cares about you – and you only care about her.”
“That’s not true, you know that perfectly well, Leda,” he sighed.
“Whom do you love?” she sang, taunting him. “No – don’t answer. I already know. You and Iylaine both. And I know it isn’t me. Nobody loves me but Finn.”
“If you treat people the way you just treated our daughter, you have no one but yourself to blame. What do you say to her when I’m not here? What do you do to her?”
“Why, nothing,” she said. “I don’t need to. Her ‘Mama’ tells her enough evil about me to make her hate me.”
“Gunnilda would never say anything bad about you.”
“Wouldn’t she? I expect she might.”
“You expect she might because you would, but you don’t realize that most people aren’t anything like you, Elfleda. Most people have a heart, and most people care a little about other people besides themselves.”
“I don’t care about myself,” Elfleda said, her face and voice softening into wistfulness. “I hate myself.”
Egelric looked at her and saw her as he had seen her when she was young – saw the spark of girlhood in her flare up for the last time and go out.
“Leda, don’t say that,” he murmured, reaching a hand out to her. He hadn’t realized she still suffered even after the birth of her long-awaited child.
“No!” she snapped, the cruel mask settling over her face again.
“I don’t need you any longer,” she said. “I have Finn now, I don’t need anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. All anyone else does is hurt me.”
“Who hurts you, Leda?” he soothed. “Tell me.”
She shook her head. “Who else could hurt me but the people are supposed to love me? But no more. I don’t love anyone now. I only love Finn.”
“You don’t love Baby and me?” he asked quietly.
“I only love Finn. Because only Finn loves me.”
“I’m sorry you think so, Leda. I love you and Iylaine loves you too. She’s only unhappy because of the new baby, she’ll be better soon.”
Elfleda turned her face away from him. “I’m only in the way. Only Finn needs me. Only Finn wants me. Only Finn cares about me. Leave me now. I don’t want to see anyone now.”
“Leda, let’s talk about this in the morning if you won’t talk about it now.” When she didn’t answer, he moved towards the bedroom door. “Good night, Leda. I do love you.”
Elfleda never answered.
Chapters
Oh dear, this is not going to turn out well.