Kingdom of Lothere Quotes

“It is rarely pleasant to live a story-​​worthy life.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Don’t call me your girl. And don’t ask me to smile.”

0 comments | Add comment

“My dear, if ever life gives you the choice, always, always laugh.  There will be days when you will only know how to cry.”

“Hurry! You’re dying, you stupid ass!”

Matilda to Alred, “Alred sees no poetry”

0 comments | Add comment

I think that we should try and try to be happy whenever we can and however we can, even if there is a risk that we will be made unhappy. I think we must keep trying.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I’m spinning my W.W.A.S.D (What Would an Angry Scotsman Do) thing I got for Christmas and its landing on.…. Use Colorful Language.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I don’t like Araphel/​Bastien and I don’t like his green robe.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Dantalion is just too dramatic for me, he makes my brain hurt and I kind of want to punch him in the wiener.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I can’t help it but when I reread the title I couldn’t stop thinking ‘Malcom breaks a thousand mirrors… with his fine butt’.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Bless my balls!”

Leia to Lady Eadgith, “Leia does what she likes”

0 comments | Add comment

PHWOAR!”

Verity, too many times to mention

0 comments | Add comment

“Where have you been?” Her mother had always warned her that this was among the phrases one did not speak to a man if one wished to have a happy marriage.

0 comments | Add comment

“It is not necessary to hate a man in order to love his wife.”

Magog to young Malcolm, “Malcolm wishes he didn’t know”

0 comments | Add comment

“Sometimes I wish you were an ordinary girl.”

0 comments | Add comment

“We poetic folk call those tears.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Son of a serpent!”

Leofric, too often to mention

0 comments | Add comment

“You thought you had found a great knight who also wrote bad poetry.  But that wasn’t true.  I was a miserable excuse for a knight who wrote rather good poetry.”

Alred to Matilda, “Alred tells the truth”

0 comments | Add comment

“My father was right!  Name of God!  Teaching a woman to read is like giving her a second bite of the apple!”

0 comments | Add comment

“Go home, Sela.  You’re too sweet to be out here with me, and too pretty to last long.”

0 comments | Add comment

As he carried her outside, he thought that she felt lighter than she had that day when he had held her, all warm and pink-​​cheeked and laughing, in his arms. He would try to remember to ask Father Brandt how much a soul weighed.

Alwy, carrying Elfleda’s body home, “Alwy knows what to do”

0 comments | Add comment

“If I believe in curses, I have also sometimes believed that you were sent to save me.”

Egelric to Gunnilda, “Gunnilda goes to Egelric”

0 comments | Add comment

“You carry your own truth inside of you.  You are the messenger, and the message.”

Egelric to Gunnilda, “Gunnilda goes to Egelric”

0 comments | Add comment

Chicken neck?”

If chicken necks did glow.”

Dantalion and Eithne, on the subject of Araphel’s nudity, “Araphel asks for help”

0 comments | Add comment

“Do you think I could last one day in paradise without you?”

0 comments | Add comment

“Then you must pretend to be happy, Baby.  Sometimes that’s the only thing you can do.”

Gunnilda to Iylaine, “Alred says too much”

0 comments | Add comment

“If Maud said ‘Boo’ at you, you would pull your skirts up over your face and cry.”

“Oh, pish!”

Gunnilda, whenever anyone starts talking nonsense

0 comments | Add comment

“No matter what I say to you ladies, whether it’s absurdly metaphorical or simply very true and flattering, it’s always the same pish to you!”

0 comments | Add comment

“And why should I mourn this night more than the last?  I have lost nothing that was mine.”

Alred, upon learning that Peleia is not his daughter, “Sigefrith wields the sword”

0 comments | Add comment

“You better get used to carrying your best friend’s body home on your back.  It won’t be the last time.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Never forget it, my son.  Never let it be forgiven.”

Imin, after telling his son how Sela was killed, “Imin pours the poison in”

“Alwy was a real big man.”

0 comments | Add comment

Arm wrestle me?”

Arm—Are you insane?

0 comments | Add comment

“Ah, but I am thinking about ladies’ feelings, and they are thinking about feeling ladies.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Advent time in your castle simply means no leaping while dancing and no candy before breakfast.”

Which Sigefrith?”

The old, ugly one.”

You’re not ugly!”

But I am old, is that it?”

Sigefrith and Eadie, creating their favorite joke, “Sigefrith enters the dragon’s den”

0 comments | Add comment

“So kiss me one more time and then go back to your bed like the good girl you are not.”

0 comments | Add comment

“What is that?” – “What?” – “On — my — leg.”

Britamund and Dunstan, since Dunstan’s hands were both accounted for, “Britamund becomes a wife”

0 comments | Add comment

“I pray you keep in mind what everyone seems to forget: the man is more to blame.” – “I assure you, it is ever at the front of my mind.”

Catan and Father Brude, “Father Brude is indiscreet”

0 comments | Add comment

Where Colban loved, he did not ask questions.  It was not how Malcolm loved, and it was not how Maud had loved, but Malcolm knew where Colban had learned it: it was how Sigefrith had loved him for so many years.

0 comments | Add comment

“You have your one man, Hetty.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Are you in trouble, henny?”

“Not yet, but I think I’m about to have a wee bit of the old devil in me!”

“Now you’re in trouble!  You said wee!”

Egelric and Lili, “Egelric is an old devil”

0 comments | Add comment

“I might as well give myself up, if my only defenders are a giddy blonde and a knight who runs around his friends’ castles in his underpants.  Unless that’s your sword you’ve got in there, sir.”

Sophie to Lili and Stein, “Lili asks”

“It’s our last alone together I mean,” she said with her sweet smile.  “Soon we shall be three.  You’re growing as superstitious as I, my darling boy.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Tell me your water did not just break!”

Lili to Wynflaed, minutes before Mass, “Wynflaed jeopardizes Alred’s wedding”

0 comments | Add comment

“Oh, get out of my way, you useless baggages!  What would have you her do, Lili?  Cross her legs and hold it in?”

“But we were careful…

“What’s that supposed to mean?  ‘Careful’ is leaving that poor lamb alone!  ‘Careful’ is cutting it off and putting it in a locked box!”

Alred and Colburga, “Colburga tells Alred”

“Whisht!” he said, and closed her mouth with a kiss.

Malcolm to Maud, “Maud is defeated”

“I’m sorry, Dunstan,” she said in the best Princess voice she could muster, “but I don’t think I can.”

0 comments | Add comment

Well, a Scot was only a man, after all, under the kilts.

“You expected to see a wolf’s pelt?” he whispered.

Maud and Malcolm, “Maud is defeated”

0 comments | Add comment

“Eirik!” Sigefrith cried with joy.

“Raedwald!” Cenwulf groaned.

“Three people I don’t know!” Alred added gleefully.

“There was a time when I had to make a choice between doing the honorable thing and the dishonorable thing, having already done more than the devil’s own share of dishonorable things.  I chose to do the honorable thing.  I shall regret it until I die.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I am certain that when Death comes for you — which I hope will not be for an extraordinarily long time — you will look him in the eye and say, ‘Very well!  I only hope this will be interesting!’”

“I knew her father, and by ‘knew’ I mean I busted his face once.”

Egelric, about Wynflaed’s father, “Egelric wakes”

0 comments | Add comment

“Poetry is not only something to be written, dear Lili, but to be lived.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Holy Juno, mother of Mars!”

Alred, “Alred is angry with Matilda” and elsewhere

0 comments | Add comment

“We are all unhappy.  Remember that.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I guess you know what it’s like to be a boy what picks on other kids, and I know what it’s like to be a boy what the other kids pick on.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I don’t think she’s cut out to be a lady’s horse, but that’s what she has become, so the lady will just have to make the best of her.”

Anson to Anna, “Anna pays a visit”

“Welcome to the stupid family.”

0 comments | Add comment

“And I was right about who the bosom belonged to hurrah *does a bosom rightness dance*.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I thought Maire’s body language was so blatant it stuck out like a boner in sweatpants.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Now we shall never have a little house, as you used to say, just you and I.”

Iylaine to Egelric on her wedding day, “Egelric lets go”

0 comments | Add comment

“You have been cruel to her as well.  All her life.  And I shall not blame her if she doesn’t forgive you for that.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Be kind to him, Wynnie.  He’s a good man, but soft.  That sort of man is soon spoiled by a hard woman.”

Wynflaed’s little mother, “Sir Sigefrith reaches out”

0 comments | Add comment

“To my dying day I shall not forget her voice when she said to you: ‘You never told me once.’  It is as good as a poem.  The entire tragedy is told in those five words.”

“Will you be following where I go?”

Cian to Eithne, “Eithne lets go”

0 comments | Add comment

“Come, wife, and be shedding no tears.  I told you you would be sorry.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Ho shit. Cenwulf?! One of The Four Sigsketeers?”

Seiza, upon learning of Cenwulf’s death, “Father Brandt finds the reason”

0 comments | Add comment

“A ninny is what you are!  I don’t know what it is, but I think you are one!  A cockaninny!”

0 comments | Add comment

“His Grace is a kind, patient, and long-​​suffering man, not to mention brilliant, gifted, and exceedingly pleasing to ladies in every manner.”

Alred, pretending to be Ethelwyn, “Ethel invites whom he likes”

0 comments | Add comment

“Lothere is definitely becoming the ancient capital of cute priests. They should have a pageant or something.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I cannot take you home.  You must find your own way.  And please hurry.  I cannot bear to hear her crying for you.”

Vash to Malcolm, after saving his life, “Malcolm begins to move”

0 comments | Add comment

“She preferred that brute Leofric to your sublime love.  So don’t try to give me lessons about love, my lord.”

Dunstan to Alred, “Alred wastes his tears”

0 comments | Add comment

“At least there is a chance that my husband will still be alive this time next year.”

Maud to Matilda, “Maud wins”

0 comments | Add comment

Araphel, however, is a lovesick, monumentally jealous douchebag himself right now, so I’m gonna take any anti-​Osh sentiment he has with a bucket of Dante’s Saltiest Godforsaken Salt ™.”

0 comments | Add comment

“One does soon weary of elves and dragons.”

Father Aelfden to Father Matthew, “Aelfden is tried”

“I was so happy!  I thought — one man!  One man loves me better than Lili.  I only wanted one!”

0 comments | Add comment

“If any of your children are capable of having a flight of fancy that even lifts both of their little heels from the ground, it will prove you a more whimsical man than I have ever imagined.”

Alred to Sigefrith, “Alred does not refuse”

0 comments | Add comment

Dan–cing!  During Ad–vent!”

0 comments | Add comment

Sebastien appeared to be a feline of the sort who repaid such indignities by sneaking back later and pissing in a man’s bed.

0 comments | Add comment

He was the sleeping snake, and Maire poked him with her finger.”

“You’re not a monster.  You only like to pretend to be.  You’re not the only man like that, you know.”

Camp follower to Egelric, “Egelric goes to the lakeshore”

0 comments | Add comment

“We are admiring one another.”

Alred, when Matilda asks what he is doing leaning over Margaret’s cradle, “Matilda has another reason”

0 comments | Add comment

“My mother was a hamster, and my father smelt of elderberries.”

Alred as “Ethel”, “Ethel invites whom he likes”

“I don’t like Malcolm.  Malcolm smiles all the time.”

“Creepy, stinky, withered, rasputin-​​like, interfering, little crawling critters up the spine, vague stink that you can’t locate, demon-​​employing, angel-​​enslaving, creepy, creepy, creep!  Keep your hands off the saint!”

0 comments | Add comment

“And those angels who kept not their first estate, but left their habitation, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness until Judgment Day.”

Dantalion, quoting the Book of Jude, “Eithne shatters the shell”

0 comments | Add comment

“You know that if you drop a stone into a lake, the ripples will eventually reach every shore.  In nearly every way, for nearly everyone, what was supposed to be has come to pass.  You had the misfortune of standing beneath the falling stone.”

The Dark Lady to Vash, “Vash asks one question”

0 comments | Add comment

“Poor Alwy!  Never did the Lord put so much to say and so few words in the same man.”

0 comments | Add comment

All that really matters is Matilda. Matilda, and Matilda’s children… but Matilda at the heart of everything.”

0 comments | Add comment

In Him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.”

Father Brude, reading from the Gospel of John, “The elf is assigned to read”

0 comments | Add comment

No sodomy! You swore!”

Araphel to Dantalion, “Araphel adds an ally”

I absolutely love Margaret and Conrad…there’s a reason the last part of his name spells RAD cause he is!”

0 comments | Add comment

Poetry is vanity and not worth the breath spent upon it.”

Alred to Sigefrith, “Alred does not refuse”

0 comments | Add comment

He’s so unworthy of her affections…he’s not even a MAIN character…she deserves much better.”

Tiana about Captain Eadred’s suitability for Condal, “Eadwyn sees the silent sound”

0 comments | Add comment

>8(

Tiana attempting fierce and achieving muppet-​like, “Condal catches fire”

0 comments | Add comment

He could do with that steel rod being removed from up his butt”

But I’m sure it’s such a cuuuute butt!”

Sonia and Tiffany, about Father Matthew

left hand 4 waves, hands at crotch 3 butt shakes, another 4 hand waves, turn…”

PenelopetheFox, describing the Bunny Dance

0 comments | Add comment

He’s like an emo Peter Pan.”

PenelopetheFox, about Vash

Hey! It made it 4th on the sin list!” *highlites*

Twisted, about masturbation

A dead chicken! Speak for your own man! My chicken’s still alive!”

0 comments | Add comment

God’s wounds! You don’t think I know what color eyes anyone has around here, do you? I would have to sit and think a while to tell you what color eyes my children have. They do all have eyes, don’t they?”

0 comments | Add comment

Poor minty Vash.”

0 comments | Add comment

Oh, Alred!”

Cassie, often enough to be quotable

Oh I could write 10,000 words about Vash. But I fear that all 10,000 of them would just be the word ‘phowar’.”

Happy is for me, happy is for you. Won’t you be happy? You?”

I am happy for you.”

Girls! I do not think we should talk about what is… erotic…”

0 comments | Add comment

What if only the handsome went to Heaven?”

Then I am surely damned.”

Father Matthew and Father Aelfden, “Aelfden is tried”

0 comments | Add comment

And Eirik was the Lord God.”

Murchad, in the throes of a strange dream, “Murchad is certainly wrong or secretly right”

0 comments | Add comment

And then the devil shows up and turns to her and says, ‘Get in the handbasket and lets go.’”

Twisted, pondering the eventual fate of Tiana, “New site for the story”

0 comments | Add comment

May the earth welcome your footsteps as it seems to welcome your forehead, Sorin. Now get up.”

0 comments | Add comment

The carving on the key. I think it looks like a toad with hair.”

Runt, that’s supposed to be the Virgin Mary on that key there, with her crown.”

0 comments | Add comment

Ugly little wench. No wonder she was a virgin.”

Leofric, about the Virgin Mary on the key, “Haakon completes his mission”

0 comments | Add comment

Stinking Mother! I’d forgotten once again that the sun and moon and stars revolve around your cock!”

On the other hand, I still want to jump on the furniture, and he still wants to jump on the pretty girls, so perhaps it was only ever a difference in our personalities.”

Sigefrith about himself and Leofric, “Sigefrith demonstrates what kings can do”

0 comments | Add comment

Llen is a turd.”

If turds could somehow instill both fear and phowar, then I would 100% agree with that statement.”

0 comments | Add comment

And I can sit on one of the chairs by the candles and sew, and toast my feet meanwhile. I think my hands will be strong enough to sew again soon.”

And your feet stale enough to be fit for toasting.”

Iylaine and Malcolm, “Malcolm takes Iylaine home”

0 comments | Add comment

Is that wrong English?”

It is wrong English and right poetry.”

Hetty and Alred, about the word “booky”, “Alred realizes his mistake”

0 comments | Add comment

I just want to know what is a asshat?”

0 comments | Add comment

O dear Araphel: what might not your earnest charge have said while you were off frigging some louse-​ridden hosteler’s daughter?”

0 comments | Add comment

Careful, are you?”

That’s right.”

I was ‘careful’ to the tune of Margaret and Cynewulf, you know.”

Alred and Bertie, “Alred is informed”

It’s called self-​mortification.”

It’s called fucking insanity.”

Malcolm and Cearball discussing Aelfden, “Araphel gets a fair warning”

A dream! Stop this blubbering! First of all, you don’t cut a head off with a sword, it’s much too difficult. You use an axe. Now—”

0 comments | Add comment

I believe we are all far too discreet, with the noteworthy exception of my wife.”

0 comments | Add comment

I dated an Imin too but he was deported.”

0 comments | Add comment

Holy cock-​sucking mother of a misbegotten, shit-​eating, goat-​fondling god!”

I have diligently edited and found minor mistakes in your writing for the past few months, and I say that this entire post is a mistake. Erase it immediately or I shall throw karma coins at your head.”

Is it good with raw babies?”

That gangling monkey who just took the finest fruit of your loins out for a dunking.”

Sigefrith, describing Caedwulf and the Old Man to Alred, “Alred does not refuse”

0 comments | Add comment

Black-​hair goat is fine too.”

0 comments | Add comment

There is worse than winter, my dear. There is nothing at all.”

0 comments | Add comment

Who can flirt within a fifty-​yard radius of Father Matthew?”

One can flirt within an eighteen-​degree angle directly behind him. I have through experimentation and much elaborate geometry proved the theorem.”

Margaret and Alred, “Condal whispers with a man”

0 comments | Add comment

Ok I really like her and Careballs together.…there I said it…I’m team Connie/​Carebear.”

Tiana, shortly before Eadred reveals the precise nature of his plans, “Condal whispers with a man”

0 comments | Add comment

“One of them is so innocent she’ll likely fall into the hands of the first man who reaches out for her, and one of them is so wise she’ll likely be the one to do the plucking.”

Caedwulf, prophesying about Alred’s eldest daughters, “Caedwulf tells it maladroitly”

“You have an elegant nose, sir, and I should like to think it would appear on some descendant of mine.  But yours is very cute as well, Kiv.”

0 comments | Add comment

“The devil take you and feed you to his kittens!”

0 comments | Add comment

“Leofric: You knocked-​​up my wife! — Alred: No, your wife sent you to me since you knocked-​​up mine. Now get out of here so I can finish writing this poem to Egelric’s wife.”

“If ever there was a man who could beat some pretty into me, it’s Wyn.  He’ll probably even leave me symmetrical bruises and make sure the colors don’t clash.”

Egelric about Ethelwyn, “Egelric calls in a few favors”

0 comments | Add comment

“Ach!  Love!  Women think it the solution to all of life’s problems, men think it the cause.”

0 comments | Add comment

“What happened to your hair?”

“What happened to your dress?”

0 comments | Add comment

“Matilda Reincarnate… Alred will be having flashbacks followed by an aneurysm.”

“The best I can do is to speak plainly and use a good many big words.”

Sigefrith lamenting his lack of poetry, “Sigefrith takes Eadgith home”

0 comments | Add comment

“I should rather be called ugly than lazy.  If indolence is the price of beauty, then I find it too dear.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Your father has asked me not to flatter you, so lacking my usual means of communication, I must resort to getting directly to the point.”

0 comments | Add comment

“It’s not gibberish, it’s Gaelic.”

“It sounds like Hundr when he gets a bone in his throat.”

0 comments | Add comment

“My cousin speaks Gaelic like a four-​​year-​​old, unless he’s railing at you.  Then he’s a dictionary!”

Malcolm, aged 10, about Egelric, “Malcolm fails to make Iylaine happy”

0 comments | Add comment

“Swearing in your barbarian language is like playing the harp with a single finger.”

Malcolm, aged 10, about the relative utility of English, “Malcolm fails to make Iylaine happy”

0 comments | Add comment

“Prop me up if you can, but if I start to fall, you tell everyone to get out of the way.”

Leofric to his nephew Britmar, “Her cousin tells these tidings”

0 comments | Add comment

“I just got rid of one Norseman, and so you bring me two?  Is Tryggvason planning a conquest by slow, blond invasion?”

Sigefrith, upon the arrival of Stein and Eirik Dublari in Lothere, “Sigefrith and Brede return”

0 comments | Add comment

“I tell you, if there’s any justice on earth, you’re going to make an ass of yourself.”

Alred to Egelric, “Alred knows the way”

“Connie never had a brother, that’s why she still thinks men are clever and fine.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I have seen you in far less dignified positions than this.”

“You haven’t been peeking in my bedroom windows again, old man?”

0 comments | Add comment

“If he reminds me of anyone, actually, it’s Richard Nixon.”

Ri, about Llen, “Llen sees double”

0 comments | Add comment

“I am not certain that the plan that caused Leofric to come back to life came from God.”

“Leofric — I didn’t like him at first, but affairs with Matilda change everything.”

“He says it is — is pretty.  It makes me pretty.  Like lady pretty!”

Lar, about Dre’s reaction to his Church Magic medallion, “Aelfden explains the water and the words”

0 comments | Add comment

“My girls?  God help their husbands!”

Matilda, on the topic of bedroom behavior, “Eadgith gets a lesson in grace”

0 comments | Add comment

“I think Special K gave her a Special STD!”

Tiffany, speculating on Estrid’s mysterious illness, “Estrid is spattered”

0 comments | Add comment

“By command of His Majesty the King, whom God preserve, you are under arrest.”

“The peace of God on you, brother. It’s time for me to go.”

0 comments | Add comment

“But the bubbles were so pretty!”

“I am certain that the Lord is reserving a special place in Paradise just for you.”

“I hope it is in the library.”

“You are the twentiest twenty-​​year-​​old I have met today, and that is saying a lot.”

Alred to Vash, “Alred gets wet”

0 comments | Add comment

“Give me what I need to have peace.  And, if I may — if it is not too much to ask — to be happy.”

“All you want to do tonight is to kiss babies and get roaring drunk.”

0 comments | Add comment

“My wife is a brilliant and capable woman, but for every nine-​​and-​​ninety brilliant and capable ideas she has, she has one idea so incredibly stupid that I never fail to be dumbfounded, though one would think I would have the habit after fourteen years.”

0 comments | Add comment

“May rain and fire and ill wind follow after you until you’re festering in the earth!”

“It’s a cure for everything except an aching back.”

Sigefrith on the subject of Love, “Sigefrith sends Egelric on a mission”

0 comments | Add comment

“I have learned that man can live by bread alone, for at least a month.”

Alred after his first exposure to Scottish cooking, “Egelric tells all”

0 comments | Add comment

“You’re not a dragon, Sigefrith.  I keep telling you: you’re only a fire-​​breathing ass.”

“And you’re only a cross-​​eyed old monkey with a rash on his behind, but I don’t feel obliged to constantly remind you of the fact.”

Alred and Sigefrith, “Egelric tells all”

0 comments | Add comment

“Don’t ever let me hear you say you love my daughter.”

“Eve might have sinned, but if Adam had been a gentleman he would have lied for her sake, even to the Lord.”

Alred, wondering why the burden of childbearing had fallen upon women, “Alred hears a new song”

0 comments | Add comment

“I am notlass!

“Are you no? I beg your pardon, sir…”

Lasrua and Magog, “Lasrua is not willing”

0 comments | Add comment

“You have nothing to be worthy of such poems, Hetty.”

0 comments | Add comment

Gunnilda deserved far better than Alwy Hogge. By God, what was he thinking? She deserved far better than Egelric Wodehead.

0 comments | Add comment

Ah, he would make sure his great-​​​​grandsons would talk of him around the fire: the legendary first Duke of Nothelm.

0 comments | Add comment

“Fie! I spit on your kingdom!”

0 comments | Add comment

“A whit! A whit! A whit, you stupid twit!”

0 comments | Add comment

“On your knees, bitch.”

0 comments | Add comment

“He is so badass he can permit himself to paint flowers on his furniture.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Nobody likes a clever woman, but they can forgive her for it if she’s pretty enough.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I understand the reasoning here, but what satisfaction would you get holding someone else’s tooth? You’d still be without your OWN tooth, correct?”

Tiffany, about Old-​​Testament-​​style justice, “Donnchad feels an unfamiliar ache”

0 comments | Add comment

“Witch, you shall not take him with you to the grave.”

Cubby, to Maire’s body, “Malcolm wears the ghost of a band”

0 comments | Add comment

“Tell me how I could possibly love you less if there were more of you to love?”

Sigefrith, answering the “Does this gown make me look fat?” question in Sigefrithian style, “Malcolm announces a bit of trouble”

0 comments | Add comment

“I don’t think the ‘WTF is this site?’ is a very valuable demographic.”

“Aww…I’m a part of that demographic…sort of.”

“You’re mad, a chagair.

“I must be.”

Malcolm and Maud, “Malcolm goes to Maud”

“I voted earth, but I’m kind of watery too. Mud-​​nature?”

0 comments | Add comment

“I feel an emergency binding coming on.”

0 comments | Add comment

“This is Magog we’re talking here. Mr. Flighty McFlight-​​Flight, can’t-stay-in-one-place-any-longer-than-he-can-keep-his-pants-on, Magog.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Maybe I can throw in some tedious backstory and unnecessary details?”

Cassie getting into the spirit of NaNoWriMo, “NoNoWriMo”

0 comments | Add comment

“You even killed Araphel twice!”

Verity lamenting what the author has done to all (All!) her favorite couples, “Cedric makes a promise”

0 comments | Add comment

“Quit looking at my ass, son.”

“That’s what your sister said.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Underneath his kooky, funny-​​mustached, middle-​​school-​​art-​​teacher exterior, he has this sublime mother-​​of-​​pearl beauty, and inside of that there is a little something sinister that he carries coiled up like a whip.”

0 comments | Add comment

“But oh my God, sometimes it seems like every story I come across has ‘You must be 17′ or ‘after the cut’ or whatever, and I just want to break my keyboard across my forehead and go read Proust.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I can’t hate him, he has his moments, but I can greatly dislike him!”

Hannah, about Leofric, “Catan comes”

0 comments | Add comment

“Cearball is what happens when emo and testosterone meet.”

0 comments | Add comment

“You seem like a nice enough lad, your resume is all in order but I’m going to need a few letters of recommendation and Condal’s expressed interest before we proceed.”

PenelopetheFox summarizing Gog’s meeting with Cearball, “Cearball learns the conditions”

0 comments | Add comment

“My warning is this: some of the most interesting men are not worthy of the love of good ladies.”

Alred to Lasrua, “Alred is meddlesome”

0 comments | Add comment

“Ooooh, Estrid’s making K-​​bies!!”

Van, upon learning of Estrid’s pregnancy, “Alred does no dignity to the word”

0 comments | Add comment

“Think of Matilda  –  the mouth on her! Talking about pee was as polite as she ever was.”

0 comments | Add comment

“I always thought she was the finest lady I knew, even if she did laugh when she farted, which my Ma never did.”

Bertie, about Matilda, “Bertie tells Dunstan now”

0 comments | Add comment

“He gave the elf Iylaina a choice, which was more than any other elf ever did for her. And more than anyone ever did for him.”

0 comments | Add comment

“You’re not any prettier in the dark. Nor any darker.”

0 comments | Add comment

“Cedric, the Lord knows I never thought I would have to say these words, but No: you do not and never shall have my permission to become a eunuch.

0 comments | Add comment

“Every day you spend thinking about going to see her is a day you’ll not be spending at her side. And no gentle god will be coming along later and tacking those days back onto the end of your life. Nor onto hers.”

0 comments | Add comment

“There’s no shame in loving a girl out of your reach. The only sort of girl worthy of you is a girl you’re not worthy of.”

Aengus attempting to be profound for Domnall’s sake, “Aengus does not allow himself to repine”

0 comments | Add comment

If there was one species of humanity that she could not bear, it was rude boys.

0 comments | Add comment

Because having a beautiful elven lady be jealous over you is SO ROMANTIC. Never mind the fact that she can set you on fire.”

0 comments | Add comment

I am cinder-​colored. Not black. That would be bad luck.”

0 comments | Add comment

You have been nothing but a scoundrel from the day you were born.”

And I have loved you since the day you were – my lord’s son, and then my lord, and then my son.”

Damn you.”

Sigefrith and Leofric, “Sigefrith agrees to help”

0 comments | Add comment

Even if you had the face of a newt on the neck of a toad, he would find you pretty enough for his purposes: namely, to injure me.”

Brede to Sigrid on the day she met Eirik, “Sigrid spies Eirik”

0 comments | Add comment

I’m certain it’s a very civilized beard.”

Synne, about Old Aed, “Synne speaks of beards”

0 comments | Add comment

That Murchad, now he is my friend forever!”

Eirik, upon learning that Murchad has spent the night in Synne’s room, right beneath Brede’s nose, “Eirik knows where Murchad can be found”

0 comments | Add comment

Do you realize how insufficient a reason ‘I love her and she loves me’ truly is?”

0 comments | Add comment

Nimea: Hmmm, who would I rather hang with? A group of scrappy, kick-​ass underdogs led by the most gorgeous profile on the continent, or an elitist group of inflexible, stuffy nobles who spend their days committing violent genocide, braiding each other’s hair and being bossed around by an old lady with a hat that must be almost as heavy as Alred’s attitude?”

Van wondering why the Bright Lady is on the side of the khírrón, “The Nine Mothers”

‘A catastrophe going on long enough’ is another definition of ‘life.’”

0 comments | Add comment

As long as you say No, you have all the power. As soon as you say Yes, he does.”

Estrid giving romantic advice to Synne, “Estrid gives some advice”

Alas! If only her cakes were as tender as her sensibilities.”

0 comments | Add comment

Oh, you. You’re a pearl.”

Well, I don’t know but I guess I’m more like a pebble with a bit of a polish to it, but I guess I’ll take the compliment. Now eat your cake and don’t pick at it.”

0 comments | Add comment

Any man worth anything is still an eight-​year-​old inside. Too big to cry, but too little not to want to.”

0 comments | Add comment

I baptize you in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the… and of the Other Thing.”

Lar baptizing Finn, “Lar counts to three”

0 comments | Add comment

You just take your shirt off, fall for a vulnerable lady, and start hanging out with Alred, and you’ll have your own fanclub soon, buddy.”

0 comments | Add comment

Without you, I’m only a tiny, insignificant speck of a useless knight who laughs because he is afraid and jokes because he is sad and fights like a lion because he is too foolish to know when he has no chance. Even with you, I’m still all of that, but at least I have you.”

0 comments | Add comment

Oh, the angst! :( I feel so Vashy I could dry my own tears right now.”

0 comments | Add comment

Do you suppose I mean to stand on the roof of the tower and shout ‘Kiss me!’ in every language until some passing knight understands? Say, that would be romantic, though…”

0 comments | Add comment

She might die an old maid—she might end up an old woman with dozens of cats as Catan had predicted—but she would not marry that nose.

0 comments | Add comment

I do not think anyone ever died of a broken heart. Did someone?”

You’re a clever boy, Finn. I guess no one ever did, or your Da would have died many times.”

Finn and Gunnilda, “Gunnilda sees the son”

0 comments | Add comment

Has any joy ever come to the race of men when they have looked to love among the race of gods?”

0 comments | Add comment

There’s nothing on earth like a contrite woman in your bed, as you would know if you had ever once stopped being wicked long enough to let a woman feel naughty in comparison.”

Robert sighed and shook his head. It was like Leofric to come back from the dead to break the law.

0 comments | Add comment

Pride is like hair – no matter how closely it is shorn, it eventually grows back.”

‘Deciding to fall in love’ is a dangerous thing to say in Lothere. The irony bus comes barreling down the road at frequent intervals here, and woe unto careless pedestrians.”

The author about a careless comment of Saeward’s, “Saeward receives an apology”

0 comments | Add comment

When once a woman tells you to hit her, you had better hit her so hard she won’t ask you again. Otherwise she will rule over you all the rest of your days. And she won’t have the respect for you she has for a dog.”

0 comments | Add comment

I want—maggots—should suck your cock!”

A little advice from a man who once got his nose broken for ‘enjoying the company of a chaste and charming young lady’—propriety is not as much fun as even the appearance of the contrary, but it is less damaging to the face.”

0 comments | Add comment

Gwynn is a quadruple-​ninny with taffy for brains.”

My dear… so was your mother.”

0 comments | Add comment

You can waddle yourself right out of here, duck-​man, and none of your nonsense!”

Gunnilda to Alred, “Alred is outcast”

0 comments | Add comment

I shall call you Battle Mama!” Yware cried.

Matilda’s brows arched into a look of warning when she saw Alred’s eyes light up at the name. She knew she would hear it again, and not only from her son.

0 comments | Add comment

I do love you, Gunnilda, but if that girl’s first word is ‘pish’ I shall never forgive you!”

Alred bringing baby Margaret for a visit, “Alred is surprised”

0 comments | Add comment

Gaeth was sent to a monastery because he was gay? Well, that explains the Bible verses and why he doesn’t want to be touched. Also the hair.”

0 comments | Add comment

I knew I brought you back to the mirror for a purpose. Will you look at yourself? I find it very becoming.”

My hair?”

Your hair is lovely, my lady. But I meant your happiness.”

0 comments | Add comment

But happy new families are just what we can’t bear, aren’t they?”

Lasrua, unwittingly stating one of the tenets of this story, “Lasrua reveals her feelings”

0 comments | Add comment

He’s better than all of us. Hell, he’s probably better than Saint Aelfden and Chuck Norris combined!”

0 comments | Add comment

‘The turd seldom falls far from the horse’s ass,’ as my esteemed sire used to say.”

You were the turd, lord?”

And now I am a horse’s ass! Makes one think, doesn’t it?”

0 comments | Add comment

Is Sigefrith mad? No one loves monday mornings. It is unnatural and causes irritation in other people.”

0 comments | Add comment

Ralf cannot be straight after all. He has too many cats.”

maruutsu, in the Chat

0 comments | Add comment

Poor little sprout! I guess you need a mama after all. Luckily you have me.”

Malcolm, age 9, to Iylaine, “Iylaine asks Malcolm a question”

0 comments | Add comment

Now, Matilda, you know I don’t mean you. You’re not a fool, you’re a damned fool, just like any man, which is perfectly respectable.”

Alred to Matilda, “Matilda is bored”

0 comments | Add comment

Name of God! What did I do to deserve this affliction?”

It’s a cute affliction.”

a wet Ethelwyn and Gwenabwy the guard, about Mouse, “Ethelwyn is a very rude man”

0 comments | Add comment

You see, if I put a gun on the mantel in the first act, I always manage to fire it by the fifty-​third act.”

0 comments | Add comment

There is no shame in thinking the best of people, even when they are not as good as they might be.”

0 comments | Add comment

I know what I want to do about him, God bless him. Geld him and stuff his empty ball sack full of burrs. Shabby son of a bitch.”

Colin about Magog, “Aengus is unforgiven”

0 comments | Add comment

I hate you!”

That is of no importance to me.”

I don’t think it’s bigger than Paul’s, but it’s nicer.”

0 comments | Add comment

He doesn’t have to get you on a battlefield, you know. He’s King—he can knight his horse if he likes.”

Alred threatening Egelric with knighthood, “Alred goes looking for Sigefrith”

No more tears for us two. Life is too short for that, Dara. And love is too long.”

I’ve often thought that the only way to be happy is to feel nothing.”

0 comments | Add comment

We always have a choice, Eithne. It is the one thing God gave us all—angels, and fairies, and men: His blessing and His curse.”

0 comments | Add comment

You reminded me of a little deer. I tell you that often, don’t I?”

And you never saw a deer but you wanted to hunt it.”

0 comments | Add comment

Even he, eternal optimist, knew how unsteady the crown of happiness could be. How many times had he already picked it up and shoved it back down over his head, battered and dusty as it was from falling off even so many times but one?

0 comments | Add comment

What are you doing in Father Brandt’s bed?”

And what are you doing naked in Father Brandt’s room?”

0 comments | Add comment

Like the romance of Alred & Matilda on steroids with dynamite thrown in!”

Dominiquex on the romance of Magog and Lasrua, “Malrua or Aenrua?

0 comments | Add comment

She did not know what he had said, but she was certain it was melt-​worthy.

0 comments | Add comment

I never spank a man who is bigger than I unless my stick is longer than his arms and I am certain I can outrun him.”

0 comments | Add comment

We’re always surprised when bad things to happen to good, sweet folk, but most of the time it’s what bad things do.”

0 comments | Add comment

It’s always better to regret a thing you’ve done than a thing you feared to do!”

0 comments | Add comment

Alred. We have moved from romantic sighs of ‘oh, Alred’, to sympathetic sighs of ‘oh, Alred’, to disappointed sighs of ‘oh, Alred.’”

0 comments | Add comment

Sometimes it takes as much bravery to do something wrong as to do something right, when the entirety of your life is on the line.”

Dominiquex, about Lili’s entrapment of Egelric, “Bertie brings gossip”

I’ll take ‘Bone-​ified’ for 100, Alex.”

Alright and here’s the clue: If closets were in wide use in 1086, this is what Lothere’s reeve would keep in his.”

Some men are simply born to rule, Alred. No—not even born to it, for any man might inherit a title or a position of power. Some men simply can’t not do it. Some men, whatever you do to them, wherever you put them, so long as there are other men there, they will naturally lead.”

0 comments | Add comment